No positivity today

Today hasn't been a good one.

I'm normally a positive person but today I woke up to find all positivity had deserted me. I lay in bed thinking about my operation and how they will remove two lymph nodes at the same time to check that the bastard cancer hasn't spread .... and then I started to feel scared. What if if it has spread??? How bad could it be??? Would it be treatable???

I didn't want to get up, even Tilly's play barking couldn't entice me out to the barn to let her and Jess out. All I wanted to do was curl up and hibernate like the hedgehog in our garden bank, then perhaps when I woke up everything would be alright.

Hibernation being out of the question I had to get up, but so did a dark cloud which has hung over me all day. Suffice to say I haven't achieved very much and I have to admit to a few tears when I was brine washing some small cheeses ....... I'm sure a little extra salt won't hurt them!!

I'm sure its just a blip and that I'll be back to my usual cheerful self tomorrow.......

I hope so.