Monday, 30 September 2013

Me and my little old blog have made a difference

When I started this blog I had no idea where it would lead........

It was really just to help me get through this blip in my life and a way of keeping a diary.



I then found out that I could see how many page views per day/week/month there were and which countries the viewers were from ......... bloody hell ........ its read world wide

What a revelation

During my dance with this bastard cancer I've had the most amazing messages of love and support from people I know, have known and don't even know.

To be called an inspiration is well ....... flattering, humbling ..... actually I don't know but its bloody amazing that little old me and my blog have helped make a difference to others.

When I started .......  in the back of my mind was if  I only help one person with breast cancer then I've succeeded ...... I hadn't considered anyone else ......

Since my last post I've had the most page views in 24 hours and so many lovely messages and thanks for my inspiration my humour and my determination.
Some from fellow breast cancer fighters and others from men who are supporting their partners through this bastard cancer.

One of them was from someone I worked with back in the 1980's and had no contact with since. They've had a serious operation and as a result suffer health problems . Despite having a far worse time than me they have 'gained inspiration and determination from my positive and humorous attitude'.
Now that made me go all teary (and I can't blame the tamoxifen this time!)

Thank you to all of you for reading my ramblings and I hope I continue to be an inspiration......

Saturday, 28 September 2013

The infection is back ......

Did I mention that after my oncology appointment where the Doctor prodded and poked my lymph node scar rather roughly (and I was paranoid for the rest of the week that the infection would flair up again) I found an ingrowing hair where the dead skin had dropped off??

Soooooooo out came the tweezers and I pulled the bugger out.

It was a couple of centimetres long...... no wonder I'd had an infection .... thank goodness I'd got it out.

Imagine my surprise then two weeks later, this Wednesday when I felt a sore lump in the scar again ........ with pus.

Shit Shit Shit

I need to be well OH is having an operation on his shoulder and will be out of action for weeks.

Shit Shit Shit

Whilst OH was being repaired yesterday you will have found me with my top off (again) in front of Dr. Howlett.

Poor man probably thinks I'm stalking him!!

Now the 'hair' I tweezered might not have been a hair!!!

'Are you sure it was a hair or was it a stitch?'

'I thought the stitches were dissolvable'

'They are but can take ages to dissolve'

'If its stitches then that is probably what is causing the infection. If you find anymore I need to see you'

You learn something new everyday!

So as I was expecting to see a hair I saw a hair ............................ thinking outside the box didn't come into it.

I'm now back on the penicillin............ just a normal dose though as the infection isn't as bad as before. Thank goodness.

We also chatted about the insomnia and my perceived memory loss which was a great help ................. he is very understanding

OH had his wing repaired ....... it was worse than expected so he will be wearing a sling for six weeks 24 hours a day and no lifting for months..........  its all over to me now!!!

Saturday, 21 September 2013

Memory loss

Now I haven't mentioned the memory loss have I??

Well don't ask me I can't remember......

Actually joking aside I do seem to have a memory problem at the moment which is both frustrating and worrying.

Infact bloody worrying..........

I've always had a very good memory and prided myself on it, not only remembering my stuff but also things for OH who has always had the worst memory in the world and frustrated me for ever........... now I'm the crap one.

Since this bastard cancer I can't remember things......

It started with forgetting words and names of things in conversation, making me hesitate mid sentence as I frantically tried to think what I wanted to say.......the most embarrassing time was whilst giving a talk to a local WI last month and I had to turn to OH and ask him what word I was looking for on several occasions, god knows what the ladies thought ......... village idiot springs to mind.

I have another WI talk in October which I'm now dreading ...... I used to enjoy them but now I'm not sure how I'll come across .......... village idiot springs to mind.

I'm into the fourth month of taking Tamoxifen and it seems that soon after I started popping these pills my memory loss started. .......... is it the pill??

Hopefully Dr. Goodman will be able to help......

Sooooooooooooo I haven't told you about my oncology appointment last week .......

The appointment was for 1640 hours with the dapper Dr Goodman ...... he of the dyed hair and bow tie.

As you well know we left ridiculously early..... I clung to the car door handle and squawed appropriately ..... infact you can fill in the rest !!!!!

I booked into Oncology 20 mins early and as we got into the waiting room saw that the clinic was running 45 minutes late and that .............. WHAAAAAAAT???? Dr. Goodman was away.

How can he be? I have an appointment with him.

OH and I had both taken books so we settled down for the duration ..............

I looked up several times and saw that the miserable Tina was still in the department wandering around, just hoped that she wasn't on my watch.

At 1652 hours a lovely smiley nurse (definitely not Teeena) called me into an examination room and said Dr. Norris would see me and if I could put on one of the fetching gowns!!

Fetching gown on ..... a young man bounced in and introduced himself as Dr. Tim Norris

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm reminded me of a young Dr. from the Carry on films ...... no not Kenneth Williams!

Anyway we had a bit of a chat about the radio therapy and I filled him in about my infection.

He asked if I had any questions .................... errrr 'No' .... 'sometimes people have 20 questions now' he said uuummmmm 'No' I frantically racked my brains .... felt like an interview where you MUST have questions .... nope .. give up. Then OH said 'What about your memory loss?'

Phew ...... yes .... memory loss...............................

Well he just sat and looked at me as I rabbited on about my memory loss and Tamoxifen theory and wouldn't be drawn on it  ......... infact nodded and smiled like the carry on Dr. but said nothing making me feel as if I was making it up.

He then examined me ...... prodding and poking and especially prodding where my infection had been feeling scare tissue apparently ..... (please don't do that I don't want an infection again) ............ (suppose at least I have a lovely GP who can sort it out!!)

Everything seems fine ... he said.

Anyway two days later I got an appointment through for my next oncologist appointment with Dr. Goodman on 4th march (exactly a year to the day of my mammogram which started all this bastard cancer business) so lets see how I am then and hopefully the man himself will be in residence!!

I still don't know though whether I've got early onset dementia or its just the bloody tablets............

Friday, 20 September 2013


Ok so there was me rabbiting on in my last post about how great I was feeling and how I hadn't needed to rest, so I must have turned a corner ...... whoa!!!!

Whoa indeed ..........

Fuck, fuck, fuck...............

Its all been down hill since.

Prior to the bastard cancer I could do three markets on the trot (four on a Bank Holiday weekend), feel knackered afterwards but still do the day job and cheese making the following week)

Ha! Not now.

Before all this shit I didn't suffer from insomnia and OH didn't have a shoulder injury that was so painful that it kept everyone awake ........ until NOW!

Last week the day job was full on (oh and a visit to Oncology for a check up but sadly the dapper Dr. Goodman was away)  and we made cheese inbetween then there was the fabulous Ashburton Food Festival on Saturday.

Whoa whoa whoa .....

How knackered did I feel on Sunday and Monday????  ........ bleeding knackered!

Then I took a cheesemaking workshop in Somerset, followed by our first two days of cheesemaking since my diagnosis and last night a 75 mile round trip for the day job.

Whoa ...... please stop

Today I've felt so tired ...... I just want to stop the world and get off !

So before you all nag ..... I know you did all warn me..... La la la (fingers in my ears)


Thursday, 12 September 2013

Have I turned a corner?

Where does the time go????

Rhetorical question really!!!

The last two weeks have been pretty hectic ..........

The day after my last post was all about prepping for a market on the Sunday and it was the first time since radio therapy that I didn't have to rest.

Have I turned the corner?

The first Sunday of the month market is one that I haven't missed since my diagnosis but I have been exhausted during and after it until this one.

Have I turned a corner?

A couple of days later we set off for five days away at Burghley Horse Trials (our holiday)

The only spanner in the works was the five plus hour drive with guess who driving???

Soooooooooo as you can imagine I clung to the door handle, squawked at appropriate moments and tried to brake on several occasions ........ the response 'you're so fucking annoying' 

I'm glad to say we arrived in one piece at The Bell, Stilton which used to be our local and did us proud for our wedding reception 21 years ago!!

We had a fab time, caught up with friends we hadn't seen for 17 plus years, (didn't have time to see others) spent time with OH's daughters and granddaughter, walked for miles ..... the most exercise I've had since March, burnt the candle at both ends and was kept awake by noisy wedding receptions on two consecutive nights. Despite all this I felt tired but didn't have to rest.

Have I turned a corner?

Did the return journey, clinging to the door handle, squawking etc etc but got back in one piece!!

Since then the day job has taken over morning and evening and a bit of cheesemaking in between but I haven't had to rest although I feel tired, its not the fatigue I felt before.

Have I turned a corner?