Where the fuck do I begin?
I thought after publishing 'My Family' post everything would be all fine and dandy! I would have got rid of frustrations about my family and life would back on an even keel!
Today I was a 'lady that lunches' .......... had a fab catch up with my friend who treated me to lunch. Apart fom seeing each other briefly at 2 markets we needed 5 months talking, How quickly 2 hours go (bloody car parking again)
Yes.... by the way Cornwall CC I've paid a lot in your carparks three times this week - 2 to eat in Bude at lunch time and 1 to sell my cheese at the farmers market ..... thanks for the welcome NOT
Anyway had a lush lunch, came home and sorted cheeses for OH to take to Bude Farmers Market... well ...... that sort of happened but then we had a bit of a disagreement ........
Whilst I was picking out the cheese I suddenly burst into tears and had this overwhelming urge for my mum.... for fuck sake why??
When I went back to OH I just clung onto him and sobbed that I wanted my mum ....... what the fuck........ as I blogged before she hasn't been any support and won't come to visit but I just wanted my mum!
Any way apart from the half dozen tears or so on the cider washed cheeses I mentioned 6 weeks or so ago I haven't cried at all during this bastard cancer thing!
Well until now!
This evening I've just cried and cried and cried .......perhaps this is a release I don't know!
I'm 50, left home at 19 (because I was made to) had a shit time in the police, then forged a career in garden centre management before finding my true vocation ..... cheesemaking ........ now I want my mum ... what the hell is the matter with me ???