Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Dear Diary .................

I love stationary shops ...... I can spend hours in them picking up bound note books and journals and stroking them (and marvelling at the price!)

As a teenager I'd spend my hard earned cash on these beautiful journals and write Dear Diary ......... but not a lot else as I had no idea about writing down my feelings despite the fact that Jackie magazine told me that I should be keeping a diary......... on reflection I could have written war and peace ..... living a sheltered life on a farm in a small village, bullied at school and no idea about boys.

So really I should be writing this blog in a journal, however there would be so many crossings out and no one else would get to see it! Yes! I know dairies/journals aren't for public consumption!!

When I started the blog I didn't realise that so many people would view it infact I think I was quite naive about it all. I just felt I had to write about my journey! I also didn't realise that it would write itself!

Yeah I know you're saying what the bloody hell is she going on about.........

Well I'll have an idea about what I'm going to say and then as I start it all goes off at a tangent and suddenly I've written the complete opposite to what I'd planned! Infact tonight it was going to be about my busy week so you knew why I hadn't blogged!

I've got my oncologist appointment this Thursday so hopefully I'll be starting radio therapy soon..... I hope that they give me the start date there and then as I'm getting frustrated again at the not knowing.

Would you believe Thursday is our 21st Wedding Anniversary ....... what a way to celebrate .... bet they don't have a champagne bar at The RD&E either!

If you'd asked me all those years ago what I'd be doing on my 21st Wedding Anniversary ... I'd have never come with the one about the oncology dept!!!

Sometimes life is such a fucking bastard.

Tonight before I logged on to my blog I read someone elses blog ..... she is far younger than me and been through alot more with this bastard cancer than I have but is questioning why she got it .... diet, lifestyle, bad luck ... all the things I've raked over and like her googled it and found the answers contradictory........I felt so helpless as I can't answer her questions but really want to make it all better for her  .... all I can do is  give her a big virtual hug.

Fuck off cancer!

1 comment:

  1. life at times throws us a curve ball that we did not see coming. We try to make sense of it and often we come up empty-handed. there are no answers that would satisfy us, because once we get one we start thinking of something else. I read a blog by Corey Amaro, who had cancer and beat it, the way she describes the way she fought it was lovely, I know that sounds odd but when you read it you will understand. Today is a good day, you are here, you are loved and your story has touched the hearts of people that do not know you. Breathe it out, exhale it, and inhale all the love that surrounds you. Sending you good health hugs. Ana (friend of Rebecca Gratton)
    PS I know what you mean about starting to write and not following through, I think that it is just a paper fetish that we need to justify!!
    I cannot write blogs either as you will see.